One of the good things that did come from my finance years is that I met and married my lifetime love, Richard, in 1998. I took my teaching job in 1999, and in 2002 my daughter, Analina was born. I loved every moment of motherhood right from the beginning. It crushed my heart to have to return to work when she was only 4 1/2 months old. My mother stayed home with all six of us, so I guess I always thought I would be a stay-at-home mom, too. But, financially, we had no choice at that time - I had to return to teaching. My only saving grace was that my sister, Kirsten, had a daycare in her home and took care of Analina every day. At least I knew she was in good hands, although they weren't mine. I continued to work for the next 3 1/2 years.
I probably don't need to tell you that being a working mom can be tough. But as the years flashed by, our situation at home began to deteriorate. And although I didn't realize it at the time, they were spinning out of control. When I was working in finance, Richard and I had similar work schedules. Now that I was teaching, I had to be out of the house by 7:00 am; before Richard was awake. He did not get home at night until well after 9:30 pm most nights, long after I needed to be asleep in order to get up by 5:00 am. I guess we tolerated this pretty well before we had children, but once Analina was here, I found that so much of the responsibilities for being a parent rested on my shoulders. During the week I would get home about 5 - 6pm (killer commute), make dinner, eat dinner, play with my daughter, do the bath and the bedtime routine, wash the dishes, etc. all before Richard ever got home. On the weekends, it was laundry, housework, paying bills, grocery shopping, running around doing the errands, and prepping for classes on Monday . . . all of it rested on my shoulders.
Right now, as I write this, I realize that Richard had it way too easy back then. Now I know I should have enlisted his help more, but in the middle of this crisis I couldn't see what was happening. All I knew was that he would criticize me if the chores weren't done, yet he had no clue of all the work I was doing already. By the way, we never had time to talk so there was loads of resentment and hurt feelings building up on both sides, I'm sure. The only time we saw each other awake was on Sunday, but often he'd end up going in to work on that day, too. As the manager of the store (Tweeter in La Mesa, CA) he had no one to substitute for him. Any time they were short handed, he'd have to pick up the slack.
As if all of this was not enough on my plate, in the Fall of 2004 I began teaching an A.P Art History class at school, in addition to all the other classes I was teaching. This was a really high pressure class with kids trying to earn college credit, and a serious national exam given in May. The pace of the class rushed along at breakneck speed so missing one day was like missing a week in any other class (for both teacher and students). Also, it took all of my time at home to prepare lectures for this class. Poor Analina, now not only did I not have time for my husband, I had no time for playing with her, either. And any time she was sick and needed to stay home, it was a big struggle between Richard and I about who could stay home with her. I remember one particularly horrible morning Analina had a fever. We were going back and forth about who could stay home with her - I had already used all my sick days and Richard had a conference at work that day. Out of frustration he said to me, "You act like your students are more important to you than your own child!" Now that was a low blow, I admit, and it hurt. Guess what my response was? Well I started crying, of course, then as he walked out the door I hollered, "I never wanted to be a working mother, anyway!"
Not exactly what you might call a high point in our marriage. And I felt so dumb for saying it. I mean, I was a big girl, I knew what my responsibilities in life were. And I didn't mean to complain. I know that despite all of our difficulties, we were incredibly blessed in many ways. But what of happiness? What about peace in one's heart? What about harmony in one's home? Although it was spoken in anger and frustration, I spoke the truth. And something in voicing it brought my whole situation to a higher level of consciousness. Maybe that moment is actually when I first started taking steps to make changes in my life to get back to my true self.
Now, most people would probably say this wouldn't be an ideal time to become pregnant. But, despite our schedule, we did just that! In September 2005, our son Eli was born. Needless to say, I was tired. Not from childbirth, I mean, but that cumulative kind of tired you get when your life is not your own. I had planned on taking six months off from work, then I stretched it to the end of the school year, then I ask for an extended leave of absence for another year. Pretty soon, after a year and a half, I ended up resigning from my teaching job. This was a huge decision for me, and an extremely difficult one. I was letting go of a huge chunk of security in my life. But what I was beginning to grasp was that I was finding I could carve out time for my creativity, that I was extremely inspired by motherhood itself, and that happiness was presenting itself around the corner.
"Skeleton." Original design handcrafted by Heidi of Two Fish Too. Decoupage, papercraft, Swarovski crystals, wood. Hangs by sewn-on decorative ribbon. One of a kind, signed by the artist. Overall size approx. 8.5" x 18" $55.00
"Nevermore" Papercraft decoupaged on wood. Wood is painted black and hand rubbed to reveal the orange color beneath for an aged effect. Hangs by sewn-on decorative ribbon. Overall size approx. 9" x 13". Original design hand crafted by Heidi of Two Fish Too and signed by the artist. $35.00
"Halloween Night" Decoupaged paper craft on wood tableau. Multi layered finish - wood is painted black with hand-rubbed edges to reveal the orange color beneath. Three piece design connects by hooks, hangs by a sewn-on decorative ribbon. Original design hand crafted by Heidi of Two Fish Too, signed by the artist. Overall dimensions approx. 5" x 18". $45.00
At Two Fish Too, I can create any design you can imagine to make your wedding day the most memorable experience of your life. For ordering and design information call Heidi at 
A wedding gown-shaped book filled with fun recipes and advice from all those in attendance at the bridal shower. Bound with screw posts, the book can be added to over the years. Finished with organza ribbon and Swarovski crystals. Approx. 11" x 9".
